Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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