I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
