you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
