My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize