oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
