Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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