Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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