Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
