i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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