Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
