i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
