Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
