Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
