I just made out with a guy for $7.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
