tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
