did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The struggles of a small town man whore
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
