??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
