'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Randomize
