I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
