if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The adults are the big ones right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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