The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
