im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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