Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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