I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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