He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
