sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
