You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
