You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
