I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
