We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
