put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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