I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
