I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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