My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They have beer where we have blood.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
