You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
