Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The air was thick with penises
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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