I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
