I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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