tell your sister to shave her snatch
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize