I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize