he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
