bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
