I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
