p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so let's talk penis.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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