Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
