so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
