My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
