we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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