All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my being single is dangerous.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
