I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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