If i come over, it means nothing
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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