You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
