Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
