Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
