i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
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You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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