@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
