and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
