Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Your penis caused this!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
