Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
