They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
