when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
