If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sorry my hands just texted you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
