can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
