I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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