I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
