whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
