No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
