that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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