I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize