so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
